I am so done with this

I frustrated and trying hard not to get into a pity party, although the only other option right now seems to be anger and that isn't terribly productive either.

2/3 of my training is going great - swimming feels awesome and although I haven't set any crazy PR's overall I seem to be faster. Despite missing a fair bit of training I'm comfortable on the bike, Amy was accusing me of being a mountain goat on Wednesday when I kept dropping the pace line any time I was leading it up a hill.

Unfortunately I can barely run. Anything faster than a slow jog and I'm toast. Running 500m off the bike on Wednesday was extremely hard, I finished it after the first TTT but the second time I had to stop after 100m as I was out of breath and my HR was close to 190 going downhill. Before last night's 1 mile track TT Andrew told me the word from Alan was nothing under 7min was acceptable. Like an idiot I paid attention to that rather than how I was feeling.

Did the first mile in 7:14 and felt like hell the whole way through. Did the first lap of the second mile on pace for 7 (1:45) then my lungs quit. Followed shortly after by a mental meltdown. Ventolin didn't help so I did a cool down run, with my HR through the roof the whole way, then watched the group finish their miles.

I've been in a foul mood the last few days - nasty anxiety punctuated with spells of anger or sadness. I have no idea if this is queuing the breathing issues or the mental stuff is because I'm not getting enough oxygen. Right now everything is pretty bleak so I'm just trying to keep my head down and wait for it to pass.