Monday, June 15, 2009

Special Edition 80% Bike Computer

In an attempt to see the world in a positive light I've decided to come up with upsides about my bike computer.

My wireless bike computer has all the functions of the regular version. YES! 80% of the time it will display speed, distance, cadence, average speed, etc. What this special edition has that others lack, however, is that 20% of the time it displays nothing. Yes, nothing. And for no dsicernable reason.

Now, you may be asking yourself - why this is a good thing? How would this benefit my training? Well, let me tell you.

The Special Edition 80% Bike Computer offers the following fantastic benefits:

  • Vigilence - We all know how important it is to be alert while riding. The fact that the SE 80% bike computer stops working on a completely random basis means you need to exercise constant vigilence if you want reasonably accurate data.
  • Excitement - Add the element of surprise and excitement to your rides! Will it be working next time you look? Will you have an accurate record of your ride? With the SE 80% you never know!
  • Heart rate management - Have trouble keeping your HR up? With the SE 80% you'll be in a state of constant frustration, helping to keep that ticker going at just the right speed.
  • Freedom from boredom - Long rides can get tedious and you can run out of things to think and/or talk about. With the SE 80%, when you are 3 (or is it 4?) hours into your 6 hour ride you can occupy your mind by contemplating creative ways to destroy this useless piece of $#!&!
  • Maintain your bike - Keeping your machine in good working order is important. SE 80% components frequently fall off or readjust while in transit, encouraging you to thoroughly check your bike before, after, and often during, every ride.
  • Stimulate the economy - In these tough times, every dollar you spend is helping your fellow man/woman. The SE 80% helps you stimulate the economy - because it's wireless there are 3 batteries to replace, not 1 like in some econo-unfriendly types, allowing you to contribute THREE TIMES MORE to the economy. Plus, the fact that parts sometimes drop off means you get to invest more money by replacing them. SE 80% - the philanthropist's choice!
  • Time-saving for crazy people - Are you an anthropomorphizer? Do you like co-dependent relationships? Are you tired of wasting time cultivating these psychoses separately? With the SE 80% you can enjoy the best of both worlds at the same time! Give the SE 80% a name and personality and when it stops working assume he/she hates you and wonder what you ever did to deserve it. Then when he/she starts working again, just as you are about to dump him/her and switch to a Cat Eye, realize that he/she really does love you and you were meant for each other.


Foxtrot said...

hee hee way to put a positive spin on that!

Alison said...

I spent my whole ride yesterday coming up with this. Yes, when I look all intense and focussed in training I'm actually trying to come up with humourous blog posts.